The following is related to THE DYING PRIEST – THE FINAL SCENE
THE OLD PRIEST – Two weeks after being pried from the claws of death, the old priest did finally succumb to the ravages of age and passed on to the afterlife he had lived for. When he reached the proverbial pearly gates, a hulking black TSA officer politely asked him to stop and stand behind the yellow line. The name tag on the officer’s bulging chest read PETER.
“Please state your name, sir,” the officer inquired perfunctorily.
“John, Father John from the capital of the greatest nation on earth,” the cleric proudly proclaimed.
“And what is your intended destination, sir?”
“I have spent my life as the humble servant of God, and now I am ready to pass on to Heaven to stand by the side of our Lord.”
“First you will have to answer a few routine questions.”
“Of course. I will answer all you ask without fear.”
“Have you ever committed a sin against God?”
“No, Sir. I have lived a life of peace and charity.”
“Have you served any master other than our Lord?”
“No, Sir. I have served no other.”
“But you served as a priest at the highest echelons of power in Washington, didn’t you?”
“Yes, Sir. I gave spiritual guidance to a long line of U.S presidents from FDR to…uh, the present occupant of the White House.”
“What was your advice to Harry Truman when he considered using the A-Bomb?”
“I told him it would employ the wrath of God for justice and bring the war to a quick end.”
“Did you also advise Kennedy and Johnson on their adventure in Southeast Asia?”
“I certainly did. I assured them that they were helping to defeat the atheist communists. I said the same to Nixon.”
“And did you oppose Reagan’s support of the Contras in Nicaragua?”
“Oh, no! As a man of the cloth it was my duty to do all I could to rout the anti-church Sandinistas.”
“What about all of the Bush wars in the Middle East?”
“Oh believe me, Saint Peter, I was on the right side of all the Holy Wars against the infidels.”
“One last question. What was your advice on Health Care for the masses?”
“I’m very sorry to say that I did not have time to stop that socialist plot before the Lord called me to his side.”
“And I, sir, am very sorry to say that your application for entry has been denied. Please step over to the red door and wait for the elevator going down.”
“But Saint Peter, I…”
“Stand aside, sir. You’re holding up the line. Next!
“Move up to the yellow line, sir. Please state your name.”
“Haig, General Alexander Haig, U.S. Army retired.”
THE NURSE – The unfortunate nurse who was knocked to the floor after pulling the plug was terminated by the hospital. Her health care was subsequently rescinded. She threatened to sue Nancy Pelosi for assault and battery but her lawyers dropped the suit after federal prosecutors opened a manslaughter investigation against her.
BLUE CROSS – The Health Care Reform Law of 2010 banned the arbitrary cancellation of treatment. The Holy See won a court case banning the insurance company from using the term Cross in their corporate identity. The Democratic Party likewise challenged the use of the term Blue and they are now registered as the Red Insurance Company, Incorporated; commonly known as Red Inc.
THE SPEAKER – Nancy Pelosi introduced the elbow maneuver in Congress as a response to the filibuster. She was inducted into the MMA Hall of Fame.
THE PRESIDENT – President Obama got the Health Care Reform Bill passed into law, and went on to win re-election after receiving radiation treatment at the same hospital to reduce the luminous substance emitting from his head.