F R E E * GREGORY PORTER

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HE’S AT IT AGAIN

The Late Show – 30 June, 2017
Stephen Colbert’s opening monologue

Here’s the Youtube clip followed by my transcription to be used for an advanced class in Contemporary American Politics.

I’m going to say something right now that I didn’t think was possible, anymore.
I am shocked by something Donald Trump said.

I thought by now, after five months of this,
that my soul had calcified into a crouton.

Not true, because today, the president…of the United States tweeted:
“I heard poorly rated @Morning_Joe speaks badly of me (don’t watch anymore).
Then how come low I.Q. Crazy Mika, along with Psycho Joe, came..
…to Mar-a-Lago 3 nights in a row around New Year’s Eve, and insisted on joining me.
She was bleeding badly from a face-lift. I said no!”

Where to begin?
Haha..It’s a buffet of shit.

Uh…First of all…a steam table. A steam table as it were.
First of all, someone bleeding badly at your door and you say “No”!
It sounds like your healthcare plan.

I mean, turning them away from your hotel during the middle of winter
is literally the story of Christmas. Only there wasn’t a wise man in sight.
This is shocking and vicious; so on brand!

And, the reviews are in:
LA Times:
“Another day, another vulgar Trump tweet.
The president clearly isn’t learning on the job.”
Vulgar. Crude. A new low.”
No. No, it’s the same low.

We’re at a cruising altitude of like the bottom of the Mariana Trench,
right now.
There are giant squid looking down at America right now.

Of course, Mika responded with her own tweet today;
A picture of a Cheerios box and; “Made for little hands.”

Really Mika? Really Mika?
Making fun of the size of his hands?
I’m more worried about the size of his brain at this point.

Of course, this is shocking to everyone who is not employed by Donald Trump.
Republican fan Ben Sasse just tweeted,
“Please just stop. This isn’t normal…”

And Lindsey Graham tweeted,
“Mr. President your tweet was beneath the office
and represents what is wrong with American politics,”

Hold it right there Lindsey!
This is not what’s wrong with American politics. Okay?
You don’t see Paul Ryan throwing shade at Chuck Schumer’s eye job. Okay?
This is what’s wrong with the American President.

Let’s stop pretending…Okay…
Let’s, let’s stop pretending that Trump is the symptom of something.
He’s the disease.
And, the only cure…
the only cure is three-and-a-half years of liquor and bedrest.

Of course the First Lady, naturally,
defended her husband via her spokesperson.
“As the First Lady has state publicly in the past,
when her husband gets attacked,
he will punch back 10 times harder.”

Yes, as the first lady says, “When they go low, we go ten times lower.”
So, so, the focus on cyber-bullying is going well so far.
We just didn’t know she was going to be a super-fan of it.

And, you know who had the courage to agree with Melania’s spokesperson?
The president’s spokeperson.
“When the president gets hit, he’s going to hit back harder,
which is what he did here today. He fights fire with fire.”

He fights everything with fire!
And first he soaks all of us with gasoline.

And Huckabee-Sanders explained;
the president had a very good reason to go after those mean meanies on the TV screen.
“The things that this show has called him…
and not just him but numerous members of his staff,
including myself and many others, uh, are very deeply personal.
So to then turn and pretend like, you know, this approach is..uh…
I, I, I guess it’s kind of like we’re living in the Twilight Zone…”

Oo! I love the Twilight Zone!
Um, which one is he, again?
Is this the one where the little boy with no morals has the power to kill?
‘Cause it’s definitely not the one where the guy just wants to be alone reading books.

Oh, oh, so..scary! Ooo!

TRANSLATING TRUMP TRASH

59336ecd5d052.imageMy job is to help Japanese students of English improve their ability to understand our amazing, mongrel tongue and hopefully, to express some of the less inscrutable mysteries of Nipponica.  Mr. Obama gave me plenty of effective material with some excellent examples of the wit and seamless logic English can deliver.  Now Mr. Trump is helping me show the Japanese that English is capable of being even more inscrutable that their own ambiguous vernacular.

I got the following article from The Guardian online newspaper, made several alterations to both content and layout to make it a more effective teaching device, and then made up a vocabulary quiz since the prime motivation for many masochistic Japanese learners is to endure a painstaking test at the conclusion of each lesson.

I insist they lock up their ubiquitous electronic dictionaries and simply follow the text as they consider the meaning of each word. You can download and print out the test if you are into verbal self flagellation.TrumpTrans1TRANSTRUMP 2TRANSTRUMP MATCH 1TRANSTRUMP MATCH 2

We Got Trouble!

TrumpDictator

David Horsey, The LA Times – 8 Nov. 2016

WE GOT TROUBLE!
(Fake lyrics lifted from The Music Man)
(Apologies to Professor Harold Hill and Mr. Meredith Willson )
 
Citizens of America!
Heed the warning before it’s too late!
Watch for the tell-tale sign of corruption!
 
The moment the president wakes up,
Does he grab his cellphone,
run to the Lou
and start tweeting?
 
Is there a copy of “The Camp of the Saints”
laying on his nightstand?
Mein Kampf” hidden in the oval office?
Is he starting to memorize hateful lines?
Lines from Il Deuce and V. Putin?

 Are certain words creeping into his conversation?
Words like “PURGE?”
And “NATIONALISM?”
Or “ENEMIES OF THE PEOPLE?”
And that fake patriotic rally cry
“AMERICA FIRST?”

Well, if so my friends,
We got trouble,
Right here in the U.S.A.!

With a capital “T”
That’s a ‘hyuuge’ golden “T”
And that stands for Trump!

We’ve surely got trouble!
Right here in the U.S.A.!
Remember the babble;
The Wall, the Mimic,
Grab ‘em by the P*ssy
And the Muslim Ban!

 

JAPANESE JHS STUDENT SUSSES AMERICA’S ‘BRANDED’ PRESIDENT

Portrait  Presidential Candidate Donald TrumpThis 13-year-old, 2nd year junior high school boy didn’t answer the question but he gets an ‘A’ anyway. Last summer he wrote a perceptive speech critiquing President Obama’s Hiroshima speech. This term I gave him Trump’s inaugural speech to study.

FINAL EXAM GENERAL TOPICS
8. What are some differences between the Obama Hiroshima speech and Trump’s inaugural speech?

[Actually, couldn’t find the differences between Obama and Trump from their speeches. I only found that Trump’s strategies are related to his business skill. (But I’m not so sure he’s that good at business).]

Trump said too many extreme things during the election campaign. I thought, “That crazy, old idiot won’t be chosen,” but he became the president!

Recently, I thought he might be calculating what people want to hear. He had his eye on poor workers who weren’t happy with Obama and those people voted for him. But then I thought maybe he is not clever enough to calculate those strategies. He is good at business though, so I thought his strategies might be related to business management.

First he had to catch people’s attention, so he used the media to let people know the Trump brand. People thought, “I’ve never seen this kind of funny politician. He could be good.” And they bought it. (this means they voted for him). After the Trump brand became famous, and was chosen by a lot of people, he could expand his market. (This means he can sign a lot of executive orders.)

Now we don’t know what is going to happen. But I guess there are only two possible ways; Trump’s brand will flourish or his brand might perish.

“ENEMY OF THE PEOPLE”

EZ CONSTITUTION: The 25th Amendment

The impeachment of Andrew Johnson, 5 March 1868, (1872).The Constitution of the United States of America

AMENDMENT XXV  –  Section 4.

Whenever the parties of the VP*
transmit to the parties of Congress*
their declaration that the President is disabled*,
the Vice President shall immediately
assume the office as Acting President.

Thereafter, when the President
transmits to the parties of Congress*
his declaration that no inability exists,
he shall resume his office
unless the parties of the VP*, within four days
transmit to the parties of Congress*
a second declaration that the President is disabled*.

Thereupon Congress shall decide the issue,
assembling within 48 hours.
If the Congress, within 21 days
determines by two-thirds vote of both Houses
that the President is disabled,
the VP shall continue as Acting President;
otherwise, the President shall resume his duties.

Notes:
The parties of the VP*
the Vice President and a majority of either
the principal officers of the executive departments
or of such other body as Congress may by law provide,
The parties of Congress*
President pro tempore of the Senate
and the Speaker of the House of Representatives
disabled*
unable to discharge the powers and duties of his office

Passed by Congress July 6, 1965.
Ratified February 10, 1967.

THE LAST BLUE SKY OF 2016

161231-rizind750-004wThe usual clear blue Kanto winter sky was lacking its usual bitter breeze this year when we arrived at Saitama Super Arena to celebrate Oshogatsu as guests of RIZIN MMA ring announcer Lenne Hardt – a.k.a. my little sister.

161231-rizind750-002wAfter a 45-minute drive on an unusually clear expressway, we had a nice walk with Louis and Maggie in the people park next to the car park. They would be enjoying a nice long nap in their favorite sleeping nook – Kayoko’s Suzuki micro-mini van.

161231-rizind750-014wThe arena is part of an ultra-modern complex arising like a grove of steel and concrete bamboo shoots in the middle of the Saitama suburbs.

161231-rizind750-015wLenne’s ayatollah Malcolm met us with our complimentary tickets in front of Royal Host. 161231-rizind750-016wAnrei came with us and Naoto Sasaki and friends were the first to rendezvous with us.161231-rizind750-017w